Everything Changes
by ThatisneverThat
Summary: Grief is different for everyone. Set post-Death In Heaven, Clara is returning to work, but is she ready?


Everything changed that day – she knew nothing would be the same again. The silence surrounding her was more painful than anything, and the sympathetic looks were helping nobody. 2 months. 8 weeks. 62 days. It was no less hard to get up in the morning, and yet here she was getting ready for work.

Clara picked up her keys and went to the door, passing by the mirror in her hallway and stopping as she spotted how terrible she looked. Only thing was, she really didn't care. There was nobody to look good for now, it wasn't worth the effort. She sighed, breathing deeply and trying to put a smile on, telling herself that work would be a good distraction.

The journey was lonely, she missed the company. His unbelievable energy so early in the morning was something to be envied, but it did rub off on her… she could do with that today. When she parked up she couldn't get out, not at first. Clara was playing with her keyring; the one Danny had bought her back from Edinburgh after the trip last autumn. He told her he'd wanted to get something more, but for her it was perfect. Now it was just one of very few things she had left of him.

There was a box at home, it was still sat on her shelf, and she hadn't opened it. On the top it read _'Danny Pink. Personal effects.'_ and yet it seemed so impersonal. It was just a box, she knew it didn't contain much, it certainly didn't contain him. Her Gran had wanted her to open it, she said it would help, Clara couldn't work out how. She loved her Gran, she was the best help she could ask for, but grief didn't go away with a hug and a bit of food.

A knock on her window disturbed her – it was Adrian. Clara quickly wiped her eyes before opening the door, grabbing her bag and getting out. He had that look on his face – one she was fed up of seeing. She locked her car before finally looking up to him, putting on a smile, but when he didn't say anything she just wished him good morning and head in to school.

In the staffroom everyone fell silent as she walked in. Clara sighed, putting her bags down to flick the kettle on, but Jasmine immediately came over and turned it on for her.  
"No let me…" Clara looked around at everyone watching her. She held her hands up.

"I'm not a bloody invalid you know?! I can turn a kettle on, I can do my job! You don't all need to look at me like that!" She said, louder than was probably necessary. Still everyone looked at her. "You know what? Forget it. Forget it all." She picked up her bags and left, going to her classroom.

Except she didn't. Somehow she found herself in the maths department, stood inside Danny's room. Everything had moved, it wasn't in the same place anymore – it was wrong. She walked over to the desk, gently touching the edge as memories flooded back about the first day they met. Her hand drifted to the spot his head met – it had work on it now. Danny always kept his desk so clean, this was all out of place.

"Can I help you?" A voice came from behind her. Clara turned around and saw a face she didn't recognise. She knew who he was, but she couldn't say it properly to herself, that wouldn't be right.

"No. Sorry, wrong room…" She started to head out but the man was in her way. "Excuse me?"

"You look upset are you sure you're okay?" He asked. Of course he would be the caring type, worried about a stranger. Clara wasn't thinking straight, she knew what she should say, she knew how she should feel, but she didn't. This wasn't right; this was all so confusing and empty. The room felt empty, emptier than ever, emptier than before Danny, emptier than when he went away…

"I don't need you to replace him! Don't you ever do that!" Clara shouted at him, pushing him away and going straight through to her class, ignoring the looks from pupils as she ran through the hall. She ran in to her classroom, shutting the door behind her and ignoring the line of pupils waiting to come in. Her legs gave up on her then and she slid down the door, bringing her knees up to her chest as she sat. Her hand drifted to the necklace she was wearing, the last present he had given her, the most treasured item she had.  
"Danny I can't do this. I'm not strong enough, I thought I was but I'm not. This is wrong, it's all wrong and I don't know what to do." As she finished speaking she noticed something sat on her desk, a letter, but it wasn't normal post. Clara stood up again, walking over to it and wiping her eyes. She picked up the letter – the writing was recognisable. She shook her head in disbelief, but carefully opened the envelope, pulling out the paper inside. Something fell to the floor as she did and Clara crouched down to pick it up, looking at the letter and reading it.

 _My Clara,_

 _You've not seemed yourself this last couple of days, and I know you won't talk to me about it just yet. You will, in time, but for now this is enough. I wanted you to have a nice surprise on a Monday morning, so I'm hoping I've snuck this in here late enough for you not to see it Friday night._

 _Enclosed is just a little something. Little in reality, not really little overall. Well, you know I'm rubbish with words, so I'm just going to get on with this. I'm guessing you've been too busy reading this letter to focus on what you're holding in your other hand, so just take a moment to look – really look._

Clara did. She put the letter down and then finally looked at what she had picked up. Her breath stopped for a moment, her mind struggling to process what she saw. Tears came back to her eyes, but she looked back to the letter.

 _I guess you've worked it out by now, but I'd best keep with tradition and do this properly. Although I'm not sure letter is the traditional way to do this, but you get the idea.  
The thing is Clara, I love you. I mean, you know that, but I really do love you. You make me smile every day, like I really can't go a day without seeing you because it's a day not worth it. You're wonderful, and you know what I really love? You're strong. Stronger than anyone I know. You've come through so much, seen more than anyone and yet you come in every day and teach with such passion nobody would ever know, and I love that about you._

 _I want to spend my life with you, I want to see you every morning and be a part of that. You make me stronger, you bring a light to my life and I don't like the dark. So, just in case you're in any doubt, Clara Oswald: will you marry me?_

There was a gap in the letter. Clara let out a small laugh through tears.

 _I know this isn't normal, but when have we ever done normal? I love you Clara. Come and find me when you have an answer, I'll stay out of your way until then._

 _Whatever you do, just remember, you're amazing._

 _I love you,_

 _Your Danny._

Her tears fell silently as Clara looked back to the ring. It was beautiful, the diamond in the middle was surrounded by tiny sapphires – it was the most amazing thing she'd ever seen. She held it close to her chest, looking down. Slowly she took the ring in her right hand, slipping it on to her ring finger.

"I'm always yours Danny. Always." She whispered in to the room. "Thank you."

* * *

Clara wiped her eyes again, making sure she looked vaguely presentable before opening the door. The students filed in quietly, looking a little nervous but sitting down as normal. Clara double checked they were all there before leaning against the edge of her desk, opening her mouth to start talking but a student got in there first.

"Miss you're not going to leave are you?" Freya asked, "I know you're really sad, but, we want you to stay." Clara looked around the class who were all nodding in agreement. Her tutor group were year 10 now, she'd been with them for years and they were a wonderful year. Clara stood there, wondering where to go now. She'd been planning on leaving, she couldn't stay here, could she?

Her eyes drifted down to the letter by her hand.

 _You're strong. Stronger than anyone I know_

"No Freya, I'm not." She replied, trying to work out where her mind was going. "I'm not going anywhere. I might not be myself for a little while, it might take me time to adjust, but I'm not." Around two thirds of the class started to smile at each other and she noticed Freya finally breathing properly, obviously having been nominated to ask the question. "You guys need to do me a favour okay?" They nodded. "Tell me if I'm being an idiot?" They all giggled a little and Clara smiled. Her strength was still going to come from Danny, and maybe she wouldn't spend too much time at home from now on, but she couldn't give up her work.

* * *

As she entered the TARDIS, the Doctor looked almost surprised. She paused, looking at him and trying to determine his mentality.

"You look happy. Well, happier." He spoke, walking around the console.

"Something wrong with that?" She asked, going up to join him.

"No of course not, just making sure you're okay." He'd been much more in to that question recently, always checking she was okay. Clara nodded.

"I was hoping I could spend a bit more time with you." She started, running her hand along the console edge. "Maybe stay on here a bit longer sometimes."

"You're not leaving your job are you?!" He asked, a shocked look on his face. He'd definitely tuned in more to her feelings after the recent events. "You love teaching. Don't run away Clara, running away never solves anything. Well, except when you're being chased by an evil alien, then maybe running is a good plan." He added, making Clara smile a little.

"Not running, not as such, just keeping a distance. I can't give up my job, I can't do that to the kids, I can't do that to Danny." Her right hand immediately went to twist her ring, the Doctor spotted it. "I made a promise to him, and I'm not going to break that, but I can't live alone anymore." He nodded, pulling a lever to send them travelling.

"Alright then, let's go." He replied. Clara smiled, going to stand by him. Earth was redundant now, for everything but her job. She wanted to travel, see wonders, live her life, but she wouldn't ever break her promise. She would be Danny's for as long as she lived.

Everything changes, but the foundations will always remain.


End file.
